As our children get older they need a new type of mothering I call coaching; facilitating independence, guiding them towards solving their own problems, helping them to find ways to regulate their emotions; these are all part of the tasks of mother as coach. Helping our children to learn self control by being an excellent example is also a lofty goal and important aspect of mother as coach. Once kids leave the family and are off to college, wow…it is so much their ability to cope with daily life that determines whether they are successful away from home. Knowing how to manage one’s time, regulate emotions, deal with social situations, make decisions, speak to professors and peers, deal with dissapointments; these are the areas that most young adults don’t know enough about. On this special day when we honor our mothers, and ourselves as mothers; let us think about mothering the tween and teen in a new way; as a coach/facilitator guiding our growing young ones towards resilience, independence and self sufficiency in the not too distant future.
Parenting, Gifted and Talented, Anxiety and Stress Management
Hello,
Thank you for your question. I would try and find out from your daughter what her thoughts are; try to empathize with whatever her fears or hesitations are without being judgemental, or trying to convince her to see things differently. Try to refrain from lecturing or advising; rather, just open the door for listening and acknowledge that she is really struggling with this task. Offer to assist if there is anything you can do; then back away. Sometimes, just providing the empathy and validation that she is struggling with something that others may find easy; is enough to help move her through such obstacles. It makes kids feel worse when their parents say things like; “you are on the debate team, this should be easy for you.” Well it’s not easy even if it should be; and we need to allow that sometimes, as hard as it may be for us adults. Hope that helps. Best of luck.